Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
