i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just pee around me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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