He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
