ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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