i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize