You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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