just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They took my balls.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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