The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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