I think i peed on brittanys purse
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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