no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
