Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
