found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
