true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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