Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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