i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
where are you?
Hypothermia
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize