All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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