she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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