I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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