I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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