Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
