I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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