i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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