At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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