I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
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just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.