I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So much rum. So many feels.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.