i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?