Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy