some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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