She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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