are you still at the devil's house?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
