I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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