Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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