Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
