It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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