is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
