How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
