your thong is hanging out like whoa
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
