Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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