direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
