The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
