I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
