drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
