all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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