and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
