I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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