Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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