I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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