I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
