Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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