So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
