Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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