i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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