I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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