So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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