I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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