life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
