Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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