she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
