absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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