i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I need water and some morals
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
