If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
