rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
