i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The adults are the big ones right?
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