Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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